CrUx Australis

Although this week is the start of our final exams in my first year in med school, I couldn’t resist the urge to write. It has been a while since I’ve posted anything new. Many things have happened in this totally awesome year. Many friendships made, challenges undertaken, dreams slowly being fulfilled… in this time of year, lent, I am reminded of how God has been here all along. Through all my sorrows and pains, within this fiery and harsh world, amidst selfishness, injustice and unbearable wilderness, God has paved a way for me to grow.

At the start of the year, I was hesitant. Although I knew that I really wanted to be here in Ateneo, I simply didn’t know what will happen. I had to relearn the basics to put it bluntly. I had to learn how to make friends, how to study again, how to enjoy very long lectures, how to make good use of time… just how to be myself again. I had forgotten how I enjoyed joining in organizations, doing things for others, sharing the laughter, talking to people, changing lives perhaps in some way… and it really gives me much joy to be here. Just to be a part of this school and I’m really glad that I have found a home. This is not to say that I didn’t enjoy my college life. I did. I loved it there in La Salle and I really miss those days when my blockmates and I were just enjoying life - going to Zen to watch thriller movies, eating at Raps and wasting our time away in the library, in the Malate office or in LaPiS. But life goes on and here I am, trying desperately to pass medical school with the little that I know about life.

Oh my year was marvelous! It was action packed. It was drama. It was everything to me.

Last year, I was trying to find meaning, to make sense of my life. I was working then. I enjoyed my company but there was something missing. I wasn’t quite as happy as I am now. Even if I had the money to spend then, even if I could go anywhere I wanted to then, life was still somehow lacking. Now, I have less time to go to malls, less money to splurge, yet I am quite content and very pleased, somehow at peace. I guess I just appreciate life more now than I did before. I used to want to have many many friends, go to many different places, meet a lot of people and learn many many things. I still want that. But now, I have a better perspective. Life has taught me that I can’t have too much of everything… that my goals have to be focused, that all of us have our own lives to live, that I am not the center of the world and everyone around me revolves in their own orbits. Each of us interacting, meeting then separating, just like the stars… that each and every one of us shines in our own way, doing our own dances, radiating or quietly resting. Everyone has a role to play just like in theater. One has to be the geek, one has to be the hero, one has to be a little weak and then realize that he must grow. Everyone participates whether they realize it or not, and in this we find balance. We find a theme, we share the story and we watch ourselves unfold.

Here in this world, we often find ourselves miserable. We always want to dwell on our miseries. We drown ourselves in our pride. We watch ourselves get wasted with alcohol. We want to think of things over and over again, but we fail to realize that it is madness what we do. Doing nothing solves nothing. And this makes us sink, fall in our own self-pitying attitudes and waste precious time which could have helped us move on and recover. I am no different. I too am stubborn and idle my thoughts on grief. But times change, and we realize that we can do this no longer. We can no longer sustain this endless sight of loneliness. We have to change, and we have to look for it in the company of friends, of people who care about us and of God. And when we realize that everything around us is still in place, that we have been dwelling underneath our own tree all along crying ourselves out, God taps us on our shoulder and says, “Hey (insert your name here), look up.”

Many times you will feel that there is no one beside you. Many days, you think that you can go on no longer. Many reasons you say to yourself prove that you can’t handle it anymore. But child, have you ever wondered why you are still here? Why you can still manage to smile? Why you can still open your hearts to people around you even when you’re in pain? Because I, my child, am here to heal. I am here. I will always be here. You just have to open your eyes and stop crying. You see, how can you stand up and walk around my beautiful forest if you’re too busy sitting under your tree? How can you appreciate all the beautiful things I have created before you if you do not recognize things beyond yourself? Do you not see the rainbow above you? Or smell the fragrant flowers I have planted before you? Or hear the merry voices of birds chirping above your head?

This past month, I have learned a lot of things. I have seen a lot of things because I chose to open my eyes and open my heart to the world around me. All these experiences have been most fulfilling yet. I was happy to find myself again after our recollection in San Jose seminary. There I learned that God has been and will always be here with me when he said,

“I have loved you with an everlasting love;

I have drawn you with loving kindness.

Though she may forget, I will not forget you.”

And this made me feel less alone. And God has been, and will always be that which had made me whole.

This weekend was a blast!

Well, all of my weekends are a blast because I really enjoy going out on weekends hehe… anything to get me out of school and my weekly routine I guess. However, what makes this weekend special is that I got to see what’s there to see in the 5^th floor labor room of Medical City. I got to learn how to do gowning and keeping myself sterile. Man, those brushes hurt! Everything was cool. We were introduced to the Dinamap, which is a machine which detects the fetal heart rate and the intensity of uterine contraction. I was able to see Normal Vaginal Delivery, C-Section, D&C all in one day… and night for that matter ‘coz I stayed until 9pm. Right Greg?

What’s cool in the OR is that there’s music while you’re operating, so you don’t really have to feel very pressured. I guess. Hannah also mentioned that purple is a great color for the sheets and beddings because it masks the color of blood, to which I agree. I also got curious about the machine which measures APGAR of newborns. Cool really. It can even measure the temperature of the baby’s skin. Makes doctors’ work easier =) hmm… what else did I like? I guess, it made me again think of the sacrifice my mom underwent just to bring me into this world. It really is a humbling experience. I think everyone not just the med students should watch women in labor so that they will learn to appreciate their mothers more. Sometimes, people just forget how much their mothers went through to feed them, to make them grow. They fail to see how many dreams went unfulfilled because their children were more important to them than themselves. Only when they become parents do they realize how it is to sire a child, to feed him, to care for him and only then does it dawn on them how hard it is and will be. I don’t mean to be preachy or anything but I just find it unfair for the parents, the people who have done so much for their kids yet are not appreciated and are more often shunned by the younger generation. What is it with people today that we don’t realize the importance of sacrifice anymore? Have we become blind to the things that are the very essence of living?

Err… What else did I do for the weekend? Well, I went to RCBC to watch a play with Mike and his officemates. It was fun! Reminds me of how geeky I am. The title of the play was “Spelling Bee.” Initially, I was hesitant to go. I had an exam you see, finals in Biochemistry… but see I acceded. Nothing beats watching a good play before an exam. Makes you concentrate on studying all the more after you’ve watched it. (chuckles)

Anyway, the play was about ten children, high achievers, who were in for the greatest spelling contest of their lives – the 25^th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. Two of the spellers were picked from the audience, and two were celebrity spellers. In our case, we saw Cherie Gil and Francis ‘Chiz’ Escudero. The entire play was about how each character had struggled to be their best, some unappreciated by family, some pressured by parents, some smart ass bullies, some shy but talented… in the end each of the children learned that they are not defined by the dictates of society but by who they are for themselves and for what makes them happy. What I loved about the play was that it’s comic. I remember one of the spellers dancing ‘Single Ladies’ to a different musical tune. It was so natural they way the portrayed it that one would not hesitate to guffaw. I also liked the character of Leaf, the kid who was smart in his own way but was always thought of by his family as dumb. I also liked the line where Olive said, “Do you know that when I switch the first two letters of my name, it spells ‘I love’?” This play won awards in the US and from what I heard; Julie Andrews had been their guest speller. She was asked to spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (I’m not sure if I spelled that right, I’m a bad speller myself) but she misspelled it by forgetting a letter. It wasn’t too bad I’m sure; I would have wanted to watch it in the US if I had the chance.

The play was worth watching. Well, I liked Avenue Q more because of the musical score, but the storyline of this play was better. Plus, I learned some words myself. I listed most of them here according to how I remember it so I might not forget. I’m not entirely sure if they’re correct though. Don’t even ask me about the meaning because Merriam-Webster will definitely be better than me when it comes to that. I’m just trying to help the English teachers out there who need to think of a spelling list for next year. Hehe… Anyway, here they are: strabismus, aboulia, capybara, gerbil, omphaloskepsis, phylactery, strabismus, acouchie, sciapodus, porrect, steatopegic, tittup, sluice, crepuscule, vug, ilanguescence, waltenshauang, hallux, and cystitis… etc. most of the words are either foreign or are jargons so it’s quite hard to search it up. I understood only the med terms, thank you. The play still runs until the 4^th of April, if I’m not mistaken. So if you have a chance, try watching it. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it, because I did.

Ciao!